Where to start? It was a very full five days. On Thursday evening I had dinner with my sister after my flight from San Jose. We talked about all sort of topics ranging from remembrances of Mary to Maureen's current work and health status as well as my own. All in all a good time to simply listen, learn and ask questions about how she is and vice versa.
Friday morning I got up and found myself dithering about instead of moving smartly to do my plan. The plan? It started with a visit to Mary's grave. I realized, finally, that I was avoiding the trip. Once I figured that out, I checked out of the hotel and headed to the cemetery--by way of Land's End because it was in the mid-90s and I had forgotten to put shorts in my luggage. Land's End Inlet (aka Outlet) store near the airport fixed the problem quickly.
I arrived at Mary's grave site about 10:45AM. Her foot stone is not there yet and subsequent to my visit, I received correspondence that indicates another 6-9 weeks. At first, I was very detached and was thinking to myself very analytically about the location of the grave, the grass growth pattern on her grave, the location of the nearby tree, and the nice job the cemetery staff had done resetting each foot stone for her family members. After the funeral, I had asked they reset Grampa Jack's stone because it clearly was sinking. I saw they reset all three stones and they look very nice.
I then remembered what my grief therapist had suggested and that is "What do you want to tell her? Maybe read out loud an email you have composed for her." At that point I started talking to Mary. About my feelings, the dogs, the clouds, how much I miss and continue to miss her. It took about an hour overall and my tears were flowing freely.
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