For work, the major trade show of the year is held in San Francisco and I have had a number of meetings and meals as part of the week's events. Many of my business acquaintances had heard about Mary but have not seen me since Mary died. Those meet and greets are not too bad. Its the people who knew Mary and had not yet heard she was dead. I feel bad for them for they are clearly shook up and also apologizing for not knowing. I don't feel there is any need for an apology. But, they ask for it anyway.
I only did one day of biking this weekend. Saturday was not as productive as I had hoped and there was a ton of errands to do once I got my butt in gear, so it was Sunday that was biking day. I did bike to market and had breakfast at the Purple Onion but MaryR was at a regatta and Ingrid and Maurice went to the Mountain View Farmers' Market. After my bike ride was a visit with my goddaughter. We had a long discussion about all sorts of things as she is assessing where and what she wants to do next. I hope it was helpful for her as she figures out what she wants to do for her next career move.
Saturday evening was pasta night as I fixed ravioli for MaryR and Ingrid. (Don't get too excited, it came out of a package from Lunardi's). Its nice to have friends come over, talk and laugh about everything and nothing. Sunday I didn't have friends over and, in fact, didn't fix dinner either. I just wasn't into it. I had a simple sandwich for dinner on Sunday.
I must admit the "sawtooth" effect I described last week is clearly happened and is happening. I feel like I am almost back to where I was before the day alone on July 5th. I certainly hope so yet I know I am not fully there. Little things can set off a round of grieving in unexpected ways. Yet, given the various opportunities they have not occurred at inopportune times. What has returned is lack of sleep and moments of grief in the shower. Last night I felt very tired and went to bed about 10:30PM. And I woke at 3AM. Since my day alone on the 5th, I have not been awakened by an alarm clock, I wake up long before the clock is set to sound. The bad news is that I don't get to sleep until midnight, one or two in the morning. Sunday night, for example, I was doing email for work at 2AM because I simply could not sleep.
On to better news! Tomorrow I get to pick up YAHT configured as a dog tag for me to wear. I am excited about that.
I searched this blog and realized I have not defined YAHT. So here is the story.
In April 2009, Mary's surgeon gave her good odds for her liver surgery because she was Young, Active, Healthy and Thin. Mary was just tickled pink that he said that about her! So much so, we chartered our jeweler, Ken Gehrkens of Los Gatos, to make a neck piece that spells out YAHT to be ready for the anniversary on March 22nd. Mary, Ken and I discussed the design, settled on platinum and diamonds and Ken delivered on time, thank you! Mary was so happy with it and proud of what it meant that she wore it full time after we picked it up from Ken. Once she was readmitted to Stanford and we thought it best I take it home at night so she didn't wear it full time, only when I was at Stanford. It is a wonderful piece! Now, I have had Ken convert into a "dog tag" style by mounting the YAHT on a white gold backing plate. Pictures to come!
I am also going to have it inscribed. On the side where YAHT is mounted will be inscribed with the expression Mary and I used to close our letters, cards and any written note to each other "All Ways and Always". On the back side, I am literally going to put on personal ID information because I do live alone now and there are no relatives any closer than Pasadena and that is 300+ miles away. In other words, it will function as my dog tag.
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