The Christmas Whirlwind!

For Christmas Day dinner, I hosted Chris, Casey, Danny, Sarah and Ingrid.  MaryR joined us for dessert and that added to the conversation and the festivities.  Sarah surprised me with her observation about two new ornaments on the tree that had not been there when we did the decorating. Ingrid had given me two ornaments for Christmas and I didn't hang them when we did the project with the grand kids.  Amazingly enough, Sarah noticed and noted the two new items out of the approximately 100 items she, Danny, Chris and I had hung on Thursday evening.  Amazing memory for a four year old!  

I baked fresh salmon for dinner (chicken for the kids) and Ingrid contributed with mashed potatoes and she whipped up her own dressing for a spinach salad. Casey prepped the asparagus and I had acquired mango salsa for the salmon and all in all we had a great Christmas dinner. 

Today, I joined Casey's family in Concord and the menu was non-stop with turkey and ham being the protein of choice! Of course, there were veggies and potatoes and sweet potatoes and cranberry sauce and...and...and...

It was a blast with Casey's three brothers, therir spouses and a total of four kids all enjoying another round of gift unwrapping and discovery of new toys.  Later in the day, additional friends arrived and that added more to the day's events.

Monday I take Chris and clan to the airport. I am going to hate saying goodbye, its been such a wonderful week with them here. 

Merry Christmas!

Mary's Christmas Rose

Each year, Mary looked forward to a Christmas rose in her garden. Easier to do in Phoenix than in Los Gatos but none the less, we would have Christmas roses from time to time. Mary always saw them as the magic of nature, the blessings of our creator and as a sign of hope for all the family for the coming year. The sun came out just long enough for me to get pictures in Mary's garden of the three Christmas roses of 2010. 

Scott, Lara, Madelyn and Emma sent me a wonderful Christmas bouquet.  There are pictures of the bouquet too. 

Merry Christmas!

iPad users click here.

Grandchildren are so special

And exhausting!  I was done in after a day with the two of them!  And, I loved it.

I think the best part was late in the day when their Papa said, "OK, its time we start getting ready to go to Grammy's house."
And, Sarah the four year old announces, "NO Papa, we have to decorate Grampa's tree first!"
I brought out a couple boxes of ornaments and Sarah dove in with gusto. We soon figured out she didn't want to hang them, she only wanted to see what I had.  I had the job of unwrapping, Sarah admired and then handed the ornament to Papa and was quickly ready for the next one.  Danny, the six year old, was taking the ornaments and carefully hanging them on the tree.  Amazingly, nothing was broken.

And it doesn't matter how they look on the tree, it just felt so damn good to decorate the tree with my grand kids.

Here are some shots from Oak Meadow Park on a beautiful Dec 23rd afternoon. iPad users, click here.


Merry Christmas!

For Christmas eve, I will be with Chris, Casey, Danny and Sarah at Casey's Mom's place. Tomorrow, they will be here and I get to be chief chef!

My Dear, we're still good-bying

"The fire is slowly dying,
And, my dear, we're still good-bying,
But as long as you love me so,
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!"

One holiday season in our college years, Mary came over to my (parents) house. Early in the evening, she made a delightful apple cider that my Dad particularly enjoyed. Mary and I spent the later part of the evening in front of the living room fireplace while Dad was in his downstairs man cave (using today's vernacular). Mom retired to bed as I recall. Dad would noisily emerge from his man cave from time to time making sure Mary and I were being proper. Those were the days!

Outside, a soft winter snowfall was in progress putting a frosting on trees, streets, sidewalks and cars. It was one of those magical evenings that makes you want to be in snow country for the holidays.

I can recall two pictures I took that evening. One was of the street scene outside our living room window including my snow covered 1960 Ford Fairlane. I think that picture is still around someplace and it captures the magic. I used very fast black and white film without a flash and the combination of the street lights and the fresh snow provided a stunning effect.  (Click on the picture to enlarge.)

The second picture was of Mary sitting on the floor with the fire behind her. Again, no flash and when the pictures came back, they didn't even bother to print that one. The light from the dying fire and the darkened room made it unprintable.

But, there was a shadow image on the negative! I can remember carefully storing and keeping that negative for years because I could just barely see the outline of Mary sitting on the floor in front of the fire. And from time to time I would study that ghostly image when I wanted to recall good holidays.

For two decades, when I heard that Christmas song with the words "my dear, we're still good-bying", my mind would jump to that snow kissed evening and the ghostly image of Mary I kept for ages. Even after we reconnected 20 years ago and the negative had been long lost, that song would trigger the memories of that special evening.

Now Mary is gone. I am still good-bying. And it hurts more now than it ever did before.

From the mouth of babes

Yesterday's post was a surprise to me.  I sat down to write about the arrival weekend of my grandchildren on Saturday and the fun time we had on Saturday and Sunday.  Instead, the feelings of the change to the Christmas season emerged very strongly once at the keyboard so I wrote about them instead. 

And, my grandkiddies have arrived for a visit until the Monday after Christmas. It is such a joy to have them here--along with their parental units, Chris and Casey.  For Sunday dinner, Casey's Mom, Rosemary, joined us and I cooked up a pretty good chicken dinner with potato and asparagus.  Everyone said it was very tasty and no one got sick so I guess I did good. 

I did get some of the Christmas decorations out of the garage and got them in place for Sunday dinner.  Chris has agreed to help me set up the tree Tuesday evening because, as he said, "We have to have a tree on Christmas Day!"  I agree. I mean, it is in a box in the garage, it doesn't take too long to get it done--notwithstanding last year's multi-week project.

Out of the mouth of babes--my 6 year old Grandson, Danny, announced shortly after arrival on Saturday that "Grandma Mary is in heaven."  I thought I'd totally lose it at that point, it was so sweet and innocent.  And so very, very obvious to a six year old that Mary was not here.  

He then proceeded with another question, "Why did she go to heaven?"  

Because she died. 

"Why did she die?"  

Because had a nasty disease called cancer.

"Why does cancer make you die?"

Sometimes cancer makes you die, many times it does not. We are all sad that cancer made Mary die. At that point he went on to a new topic.  And I managed to distract myself with the joy of having him and his sister, Sarah, here for the holidays.  It is only now, reliving the conversation in my head that the tears easily come. 

Chris, Casey, Danny and Sarah came to the house directly from the airport--Southwest delivered them three hours late on Saturday.  We fixed sandwiches to take care of the hungries after their eight hour journey for a 2.5 hour flight.  They had planned to go to a party (kids included) on Saturday night so Casey dressed for the party and then they packed the Humette and set off for their evening.  

As I stood in the garage and Chris started to back the car out of the driveway, all the emotion and expectation I had been keeping under check came pouring out.  I was so afraid the visit would not happen, or somehow I would be so disappointed it would ruin the visit.  I knew at that moment as the car started moving that none of the bad stuff was going to occur. Instead, it was already as good or even better than I had dared to hope.   

They noticed my meltdown and although I waved them off, turned and stepped into the house, Chris came through the door a minute later to see if I was really ok.  I told him about "Grief Landmines" and how they will just happen now and then. And, for me, they generally last for a few minutes and then they are gone.  I then I told him how happy I was to have him and his family here for Christmas.  He asked if I would be ok for the evening and I told him I was late for a party (true) so he gave me a big hug (easy to do since he is 6'4" or maybe 6'5") and took his leave.  

As for me, I dressed and headed to my own party.  Ingrid had invited me to a former co-worker's party in Pleasanton and it was a very nice event.  The hostess lost her husband a year ago in early December so technically this was her "second Christmas". Her four siblings all live locally and it is clear she has a great support network in place. The house was full of her siblings, their spouses or SOs, friends and offspring of the various parings. There was a lot going on and it was great!

Why am I being a night owl? Well, I was in China last week and I think jet lag has my internal clock a little wacky. And, that wackiness is interacting with my emotional reaction to the Christmas season. Between the two, I am having just a bit of sleeping difficulty. I am sure it will pass. 

Tuesday evening is Chris, Danny and Sarah for dinner and setting up my tree!  It will be a very good time! 

It's gone this year. Very, very gone.

They say the first holidays are tough. I agree, perhaps I would even say they are worse than tough.  Every song, every shop, every Christmas decoration reminds me of what no longer is. 

In the good years, meaning healthy bonus years, we'd concentrate on making a significant purchase for us and for each other.  For us it would often be something for the house--a decorative rug or a piece of artwork. Or it would be a Christmas trip--Mary loved the four day Christmas celebration at Wyck Hill House at Stow on the Wold in England.  For Mary I would go looking for a nice piece of jewelry or listen for the clues for some electronic gizmo she just had to have--in 2008 it was a Nikon Digital SLR camera.  For me, it was typically electronic in nature and was just the latest thing--and dropping my own clues so she could figure out which gizmo was meant for me.   

Christmas 2009 was very different. Mary was fighting the pain in her back and was on some pretty heavy duty painkillers. And, given the ongoing threat of death from cancer in 2009, the Christmas season was a simple one where we concentrated on Mary with the unsuppressed hope that she was truly on the road to recovery. Click here for a link to December 2009's posts on the other blog.   

We did go to Marge and Dave's Christmas party in 2009 where Marge took this wonderful picture of Mary--the last time Mary dressed up and was able to go out and enjoy friends.

From Marge & Dave's Christmas Party

Click on the picture or the link for a full size view

It's gone this year.  Very, very gone.