It is September 8 today, the five month anniversary of Mary's death.
I've been feeling a bit blue the past 24 hours as I think about her. I shed tears several times last night and this morning just doing regular stuff and remembering what it was like doing the same things when she was here. I guess I still harbor a secret hope that she will somehow reappear in my life. I know that is nonsense but the heart and the head express the longing for her in strong emotions.
Fortunately, I have not fallen into a real funk as happened in early July. Rather, it is a feeling of loss and grief and remembering and wishing and hoping I could see her again. But not to the exclusion of what I need to do to live and flourish today and tomorrow. I think that is the difference between now and early July.
Over the weekend, I read my blog for September-October-November last year. It was the end of October, beginning of November that was her best time since the surgery. Halloween-time. She baked cookies and was making dinners for us and generally was doing pretty good. She was even driving herself to Stanford and doing grocery shopping. The back pain had not emerged to the point where they had put her on narcotic based painkillers. That started later in November.
The year before, November 2008, we flew to Germany for the wedding of our good friends, Ute and JoKi. Man, that was not quite two years ago. How things change!
Fourteen years ago in September we were married. Little did we know how quickly those years would go by and how few of them we would have. Mary's dad had heart problems starting in his 50s and he died at the age of 86. Mary's mom rolled on to 97 with no particular problems other than old age. We always figured I'd go first and she'd have to deal with life after I was gone.
There are no guarantees, eh?
Pat
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