Vignette--1st of many, I assume

It was a beautiful fall Saturday, possibly early October--the yearbook records it as the fifth game of the season.  I joined the student newspaper as one of my extracurricular activities at St Thomas College.  My role was as a staff photographer.  My assignment this particular Saturday was to shoot the football game from the sidelines between St. Thomas and Macalester College.  Macalester was a short jaunt down Summit Boulevard from the campus of St. Thomas.  It was Mac's homecoming game in a brand new stadium. 

This game was to be my first "live action" shoot.  My previous assignments had included the demolition of the old St. Thomas high school building on campus and my picture of the wrecking ball hitting the building for the first time made the front page of the campus newspaper. I guess the editor has hope that I would point the camera at the players once in a while and get lucky--again.  Maybe, just maybe, he thought I had talent too but it was far to early to make that judgment. 

Do you believe in serendipity?  Well, it was this very same weekend that Mary had decided to return home from school for a visit for perhaps the first time in the term, I really don't recall. It was definitely the first time Mary came home after we had connected via snail mail thanks to her friend Kathy.  These days, with the freeway installed and the reliability of modern cars, it is hard to imagine that a 3 hour one way trip was considered a big deal.  But it was so Mary usually made the journey along with classmates from St. Bens and students from St. Johns on the Friday night bus.  

The plan was simple. Mary and a friend (perhaps it was Kathy Gaughan, the arranger of our connection) were going to attend the game while I was on the sidelines shooting the action.  When the game ended, they would come find me on the field and we'd hang out for a bit, perhaps we even had a plan to do something, I don't recall.  In the fuzzy part of my brain, I cannot remember why Kathy and Mary wanted to attend this game if it really was the Tommies vs Mac for they were not associated with either school--gee, do you think Mary simply wanted a reason to see me?  Nah! Meeting at the game was not a certain plan as I recall it because I think Mary was concerned her parents might want her to do something. As I recall, the something was the reason she came home that weekend and Mary didn't know the details of the family's plan. 

The game ended, the field cleared of players and I stood on the field studying the crowd as the stadium emptied and did not see Mary or Kathy.  No one was hollering, no one was waving.  When the stadium was about 90% empty, I turned away from the stadium and started walking to the far sidelines and to the open gate that lead me down a path and then across the large lawn to the place I had parked my car. Frankly, I was sooo disappointed she didn't make it.  I had not realized how much I had hoped her family's plan for her would not get in the way of us meeting for the first time since starting college--actually, since the last time we had seen each other that spring.

As I was continuing to my car, I finally realized I was hearing someone yelling my name.  I stopped and turned and here was Mary and her friend running towards me, clearly out of breath and all discombobulated given the situation.  She was dressed impeccably although the run from the stadium structure, across the football field, down the exit path and to the lawn where I finally heard her and stopped was not the entrance she had in mind, I am sure!  I kind of recall a blue sweater and a plaid skirt although she wore that outfit a lot in college. I clearly remember that she was dressed very nicely including shoes with heels (not all that high) but clearly not designed for running across the fields and lawns of Macalester College!  

In my mind's eye I can clearly see her as she realized I had heard her, stopped and turned around.  We were heading west into the autumn sun so as I turned, she was beautifully illuminated by the sun on her face.  The sun came from over my shoulder so she couldn't see me clearly until she got closer.  I see her running, then changing to a walk and at the same time trying to gain her breath and composure to greet me.  What can I say?  She was absolutely beautiful!  At that moment my emotions started working and my brain started thinking about her in a totally different way. And we now know that way lasted for 45 years--until she died--and I am not sure I will ever let it go.   

Grief is interesting. I do not recall that during our 2nd time around phase Mary and I ever talked about that first connection in college. But it came through loud and clear today into my consciousness, triggered by I don't know what. One of the exercises recommended to me is to write down what is happening when those strong feelings of grief hit.  I will probably not share all of them but for those I can share, I will post them here.  

P