An Almost Routine Sunday

The routine changed slightly today.  Ingrid had a client at 1:30PM and MaryR headed to watch the Giants play the Red Sox with Emilie.  I've learned I cannot easily carry a loaded bag of food on the back of the bike hence the change in routine.  I drove Humette (picture below) with the bike loaded inside to the downtown area. 

From 2003-09 HUMETTE

No, there was no canoe on the car.  Besides, we sold that green canoe some time ago and purchased a used kelvar canoe. We took it out once and did a turtle so Mary didn't want to use it again. The guy we bought it from had it set up as a single so maybe I'll reconfigure it as a single again and give it at try.  


I did my shopping and put the goodies in the car. Took the bike and rode from downtown out to the dam and back--the low Lake Vasona dam, mostly flat--in 35 minutes.  Ingrid joined me at the Purple Onion, we ate, talked and then headed out. I rode around town for a few minutes and then back to Humette to haul everything home.  Ingrid did intercept me and take a picture of me and the bike. When she posts that later, I'll make sure its linked here too.

I should note the home thermometer on the north side of the house is reading 93F at 3PM so its a hot one for us. I have the house buttoned up and the air conditioning set to go on when it gets a touch warmer.  

The Lucky One

When I was in Xi'An at the TerraCotta warriors museum, I fell prey to the museum shop.  The first of my purchases arrived on Friday, a 1/3rd size "The Lucky One".  

The name refers to the simple fact that out of the 8,000 or so warriors that have been uncovered by the archeologists, this is the only figure to have been found without breakage of any kind.

The packaging on this dude was superb. He made it all the way from China without a scratch.  Of course, breaking him out of his styrofoam and blown foam container was a bit of a project!

Bill came over when he heard the screeching noise of the Styrofoam being attacked. The final image is a 1/3rd size copy of "The Lucky One."

I also ordered a Terra Cotta General, also at 1/3rd size. Once he arrives, I will need to figure out exactly where to place them.

And Saturday was busy too...

I had a number of errands, ranging from dropping off the necklace YAHT and discussing with our jeweler what we could do with it for me.  He has some ideas and I'll be looking at some mock ups this coming week.

He is also going to change the size of my wedding band so I can wear it on my right hand.  I have started wearing my college graduation ring on my left hand.  I have had a ring on that finger through two marriages going back to 1970.  I simply felt naked without the ring there and Mary is gone so wearing my wedding band wasn't feeling right either.

I picked up some more items for my bike.  Front and rear lamps so riding at dusk is less risky.  Also a pad for the seat because I have developed a pained tailbone.  Ingrid suggested I start with more padding on the seat and if that doesn't do it, then start replacing that seat for something that would work better.

Our guest bedroom has a small, semi-custom area rug that Mary and our friend, Terry, acquired years ago when Terry was our interior decorator.  Well, when Erika was here for the May 8th event, she commented that the rug really smelled.  And, sure enough, it did. It had several areas of doggie donation of the liquid kind.  I took it to a local cleaner and picked it up today.  $150 to clean a 5 x 8 rug!  It too is now part of my collection of rolled up area rugs in the living room, protected from the dogs by a near-permanent set of fencing to keep the dogs away.

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Number 13!

I was in a different drawer in the bathroom today and stumbled upon...the 13th container of deodorant!  Who knew she was hoarding Dove or Secret? For those who missed it the first time, click here for the link to the hoarding posting. 

Busy Week

I wrote in a prior blog entry earlier today about the 20 year marker on Mary and I connecting again.  I also mentioned the heavy duty part of work this week. 


The rest of the week...


I did have a session with Kelli, my grief counselor, on Thursday.  She originally described the weekly hour as a safe place to release my feelings.  Well, I walked in, sat down, didn't say a word after greeting her and immediately started to cry.  I could not even form words to go with my sadness and pain. And, during that hour with her, I don't need to.  I think feelings were pent up because I had been so hectic at work with the big conference and all.  So when I got to the safe harbor of her office, the feelings just overcame me.  I told her the week had felt like being on an out-of-control surfboard and somehow the energy of the wave was not only propelling me forward, but also keeping me up on the board rather than falling into the water.  Kelli gave me a book to read, and when I finish my current book, I'll start that one.  So far, I have read, Joan Didion's "The Year of Magical Thinking" and I am two thirds of the way through Mollie Fumia's "Safe Passage". 


Also on Thursday I had breakfast with John Ellis. He is a comrade in arms in this crazy industry, lives in Austin Texas, works for our trade organization and is married to a wonderful woman who is suffering with one of those really weird digestive-health problems.  They've done Mayo Clinic and about everything else you can think of and the recent doctor seems to have found a path for her to be able to live a bit better if not be fully recovered.  God bless the both of them. 


Dinner on Thursday was with a former coworker and a long-term friend and good guy, Milt.  Milt is working in New York on semiconductor stuff and has lots of tales of how the new young turks arrive to solve one problem and don't realize the solution induces other technical problems we solved 10, 20 and even 30 years ago.  Ah, the innocence and enthusiasm of youth!


My iPhone 4 arrived a day early on Wednesday.  To give you a feel of how busy I was, I didn't get it activated until 4AM on Friday just before I left for Sacramento. Can you imagine an electronic gadget, in my possession, that remained untouched for over 36 hours from its arrival!  Amazing!  


Sacramento was on behalf of the Company representing us at a state board testimony/Q&A session.  I guess I did good because we achieved the outcome we wanted.  


As I drove to Sacramento, I had a Vignette moment.  Mary's first job when she moved here from Arizona was with an organization called CAMLT.  They represented the Medical Laboratory Technicians in the state of California.  Decades ago, California started to regulate these medical folks so they formed employee representation units (not unions or guilds) to argue their case in Sacramento.  CAMLT was the original of these units.  Mary's job was to manage the hired lobbyist and to meet, greet and inform various legislative folks about the impact of proposed legislation.  Mary said she loved this part of the law the best--creating it--more than practicing as an attorney or interpreting it as a judge.  


The vignette moment was realizing that during her CAMLT career (1995-1999), she made the drive to Sacramento multiple times per month "in season".  Once or twice she flew because she would continue on to meet me somewhere in the world.  But the vignette moment was simply being on the highway and feeling her presence as I drove.  Those were always long, tough days for her and when I got home I fully understood how she felt--I was the same--drained from the drive, drained from meeting with state officials.  


Tomorrow is Farmers' Market and breakfast with Ingrid.  Mary and Em are heading to a baseball game to watch the San Francisco Giants.  I hope they have a good time! 


Finally, today is Lara's birthday, June 26.  Mary's daughter lives in Pasadena with her husband and two beautiful granddaughters. Here is another, "Wishing you a Wonderful Birthday."   


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20 Years to the Day

Today I realized while looking at the calendar that Wednesday was June 23rd--exactly 20 years from that Saturday evening reunion in 1990 that brought Mary and me back together again.  I missed it on Wednesday because of the load at work.

June 23, 1990 Mary Hughes and Pat Lamey, St. Paul Radisson Hotel Six School Reunion

From Mary E Quirk Hughes Lamey--Later Years

Tuesday and Wednesday this week was the two day Engineering and Technology Conference (ET). We invited 700 employees to attend the event plus we had guest speakers, internal executive speakers and 60 oral presentations by our leading technical employees.  I am both the co-chairman and the master of ceremonies.  We ended each day with technical poster sessions (200+ papers on poster boards along with their authors) in a large room with an open bar and buffet food.  I avoided alcohol on Tuesday evening but did eat. When I got home I was totally drained.

Wednesday was more of the same but I did have a glass of wine or two at the reception.  Again, by the time I got home, I was wiped out.  That's why I didn't take note of the 20 year anniversary.  Probably a good thing and I will take some quiet time this weekend for myself and my memories. Maybe that is why I started playing Van Morrison again this week. Several of his songs are just so much part of the fabric of the life Mary and I lived together.

Thursday was a long work day, starting with a breakfast meeting and running through dinner.  Friday I drove to Sacramento to represent the company at some State function. They say I did good. Who can tell?

Today is another perfect California day and I have a bunch of errands to run.  So I'll stop now and post later.

Ciao!

Thoughts for the Day

This email comes from a grieving site I signed up for. This explains some, but not all, of why I am writing this blog.  

Record Your Thoughts

What are your grateful for?

That question is basically what got me started in journaling – and perhaps your catalyst was your recent loss. Whatever your reason for beginning a journal, it’s a wonderful habit to cultivate. Putting your thoughts down on paper “releases” them to the Universe – you no longer have to carry them around with you.

I write in my journal as I sip my first cup of coffee. Whatever shreds of my dreams I can remember go onto the pages – my plans for the day, my fears and my joys. You could use those few minutes to go on a “Rampage of Appreciation” – detailing all those things you love about the being you’ve just lost.

Journaling will bring healing, and this healing will bring:
1. A greater sense of “being alive”
2. Sharper thinking
3. Greater concentration
4. Better judgment
5. A more open and positive view of the world around you

Activity
It’s no surprise! Take your pen, put it to paper, and write for 10 minutes, about anything you wish to write about. Even if it’s your grocery list – exercise those brain cells, and write it down!

Quotation for the Day
"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." ~Anais Nin

Vignette, Feeding the Dogs

Some years ago, our vet recommended we add a tablespoon of pumpkin to the dry dogfood. Apparently dogs metabolism or physical reaction to pumpkin in the diet is extremely beneficial. It has been so long, I am not even sure what the claims were but we dutifully add pumpkin to the dry kibble for every meal. I just did a quick google search and the pumpkin reduces the caloric intake, provides roughage and makes the dog happy because it tastes like anything but kibble.

Another aspect of feeding the dogs is Shawna's behavior. Without training, she behaved a lot like Snoopy of the peanuts comic strip dancing all around while the food bowl was in transit to be filled or returning to the feeding area. Well, one day Shawna jumped up, nosed the two bowls Mary was carrying and the result was dog food everywhere. And two frantic dogs trying to get their fair share. As a result, the dogs are trained to patiently wait until the bowls are brought to the feeding area and they are then released.

The bowls are picked up, the dogs sit and wait. I walk to the dry kibble in bins in the garage, measure out the proper amounts and then take the bowls to the counter in the kitchen. I measure out the pumpkin from the can stored in the refrigerator. After I mix mix the pumpkin into the kibble, I deliver the bowls to the dogs.

Why is this very mundane routine a vignette? Because in my minds eye I can see Mary putting the pumpkin in and gently and then thoroughly stirring the pumpkin into the kibble. Frankly, she did this with the same care she would use preparing a souffle for us. And, quite frankly, every morning and evening at feeding time, that image flashes into my brain. And not having her here to do this very simple task for the critters she loved so much just hurts a whole bunch. I frequently break into tears while mixing pumpkin into kibble because of what it means I have lost.

Vignette--1st of many, I assume

It was a beautiful fall Saturday, possibly early October--the yearbook records it as the fifth game of the season.  I joined the student newspaper as one of my extracurricular activities at St Thomas College.  My role was as a staff photographer.  My assignment this particular Saturday was to shoot the football game from the sidelines between St. Thomas and Macalester College.  Macalester was a short jaunt down Summit Boulevard from the campus of St. Thomas.  It was Mac's homecoming game in a brand new stadium. 

This game was to be my first "live action" shoot.  My previous assignments had included the demolition of the old St. Thomas high school building on campus and my picture of the wrecking ball hitting the building for the first time made the front page of the campus newspaper. I guess the editor has hope that I would point the camera at the players once in a while and get lucky--again.  Maybe, just maybe, he thought I had talent too but it was far to early to make that judgment. 

Do you believe in serendipity?  Well, it was this very same weekend that Mary had decided to return home from school for a visit for perhaps the first time in the term, I really don't recall. It was definitely the first time Mary came home after we had connected via snail mail thanks to her friend Kathy.  These days, with the freeway installed and the reliability of modern cars, it is hard to imagine that a 3 hour one way trip was considered a big deal.  But it was so Mary usually made the journey along with classmates from St. Bens and students from St. Johns on the Friday night bus.  

The plan was simple. Mary and a friend (perhaps it was Kathy Gaughan, the arranger of our connection) were going to attend the game while I was on the sidelines shooting the action.  When the game ended, they would come find me on the field and we'd hang out for a bit, perhaps we even had a plan to do something, I don't recall.  In the fuzzy part of my brain, I cannot remember why Kathy and Mary wanted to attend this game if it really was the Tommies vs Mac for they were not associated with either school--gee, do you think Mary simply wanted a reason to see me?  Nah! Meeting at the game was not a certain plan as I recall it because I think Mary was concerned her parents might want her to do something. As I recall, the something was the reason she came home that weekend and Mary didn't know the details of the family's plan. 

The game ended, the field cleared of players and I stood on the field studying the crowd as the stadium emptied and did not see Mary or Kathy.  No one was hollering, no one was waving.  When the stadium was about 90% empty, I turned away from the stadium and started walking to the far sidelines and to the open gate that lead me down a path and then across the large lawn to the place I had parked my car. Frankly, I was sooo disappointed she didn't make it.  I had not realized how much I had hoped her family's plan for her would not get in the way of us meeting for the first time since starting college--actually, since the last time we had seen each other that spring.

As I was continuing to my car, I finally realized I was hearing someone yelling my name.  I stopped and turned and here was Mary and her friend running towards me, clearly out of breath and all discombobulated given the situation.  She was dressed impeccably although the run from the stadium structure, across the football field, down the exit path and to the lawn where I finally heard her and stopped was not the entrance she had in mind, I am sure!  I kind of recall a blue sweater and a plaid skirt although she wore that outfit a lot in college. I clearly remember that she was dressed very nicely including shoes with heels (not all that high) but clearly not designed for running across the fields and lawns of Macalester College!  

In my mind's eye I can clearly see her as she realized I had heard her, stopped and turned around.  We were heading west into the autumn sun so as I turned, she was beautifully illuminated by the sun on her face.  The sun came from over my shoulder so she couldn't see me clearly until she got closer.  I see her running, then changing to a walk and at the same time trying to gain her breath and composure to greet me.  What can I say?  She was absolutely beautiful!  At that moment my emotions started working and my brain started thinking about her in a totally different way. And we now know that way lasted for 45 years--until she died--and I am not sure I will ever let it go.   

Grief is interesting. I do not recall that during our 2nd time around phase Mary and I ever talked about that first connection in college. But it came through loud and clear today into my consciousness, triggered by I don't know what. One of the exercises recommended to me is to write down what is happening when those strong feelings of grief hit.  I will probably not share all of them but for those I can share, I will post them here.  

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A Daily Message

Our local funeral home, Darling-Fisher of Los Gatos, offers a daily message on grief. I've signed up for the service. I thought I'd share today's missive.

Be Kind to Your Self
Many things keep you stuck in a place I like to call “self-bashing”. While you’re grieving the feelings of guilt and anger are especially powerful – they can send you into a tail-spin of blame and self-criticism. The physical effects of grief, such as sleeplessness, lack of hunger, and depression can bring you into that dark place too, where you feel it’s appropriate to be less than kind to your Self.

Quotation for the Day
"Self-care means honoring and respecting the miraculous being that you are. Self-care means learning to listen with the ear of a dedicated mother to your physical, emotional, and spiritual needs, and then taking full responsibility for getting them met. Self-care means taking 100% responsibility for creating an environment that nurtures your physical, emotional and spiritual selves." ~ Carl Benedict

Friday afternoon, waiting for the last phone call

My company's strategic planning season starts now--it's one of the major things I am responsible for in my organization. It wraps up with an intermediate conclusion in late August-Sept and the final in November.   Typically, the ET Conference and World Tour planning starts in December and wraps up by the end of May.  And, there is a one to three week gap between the two initiatives.  Not this year, the final ET event is next week and the strategic process has already started. The overlap is killer as we are into the final hours of preparing to host 700 employees for a two day conference.  


Overlaying both of these processes is my real job--marketing for new products we are introducing to the market--and managing the processes (practices and tools) we use to develop our new products.  All of this together is the reason I have been so busy and not writing as much as I would like.  


In contrast, the year of Mary's cancer found me with lots of waiting time while Mary slept, relaxed, watched TV or movies (chick flicks, British TV on PBS, cooking shows and "What not to wear" being the biggies).  My role was one of being available for whatever she needed at the moment whether it was food, blankets, holding of hands, massaging feet or simply just being at her side so she wasn't alone.  During these times I would sit with Mary and start to watch whatever show she was playing (TiVo and Netflix on demand allowed her to have an inventory of her favorite shows all the time) but it didn't take long before I'd lose interest in Cents and Scents-ability (whatever) and start writing blog entries. I realized during Mary's final weeks when family was with us that I was unable to write as often as I had become accustomed for the simple reason that family was here and I was talking to real people face to face and not typing on a keyboard. 


Yesterday I attended two grief sessions. One was at Pathways and it is a private session with a very nice therapist named K and I wrote about that first session Monday a week ago.  The other was at Stanford Hospitals and was a small group run by one of the spiritual counselors, S.  


This week, K and I got right to discussing what was happening to me at times. In grief, there are often trigger events that cause tears and horribly terrible feelings of loss, loneliness and pain.  K let me describe my week and then she offered some very straightforward actions and therapies I could use to help me through the grieving process.  As an example, my iPod has a playlist of jazz music that Mary and I listened to during dinner for the last five years or so. It starts with Al Jarreau and moves on to Earl Klugh and many others including the Manhattan Transfer.  Its just kinda our dinner music.  These are different songs than I used at the Remembrances for they were the background of our dinner meals and conversations.  I have found that some days I can listen to those songs and simply feel a touch of melancholy from them, but then again, that is what many of those songs do anyway--after all, it is jazz. Other days, any one of those songs can trigger a huge emotional response and I end up with some serious crying and tears. K talked about desensitization and how I can use music to help me move through the feelings. 


Another symptom is my lack of ability to sleep.  I find myself going to bed at midnight only to be followed by hours and hours of inability to sleep. Some nights I turn the light off at 3:30AM and the alarm goes off at 6AM.  K has recommended some breathing exercises as well as bedtime routines to help me relax, calm my mind and let me fall asleep much sooner. Frankly, it worked with some success last night. 


The group session was very different. S lead a discussion on the characterization of grief.  It is a fast downhill slide followed by a relatively long recovery period to get back to close to prior feelings and then "boom!" something triggers the tears and its a fast downhill slide again.  


I talked about my experience in Japan a couple of weeks ago. Mary always wanted me to call when landing after any flight (domestic or international) just so she could relax knowing I was safely on the ground.  Japan was a special case because Japan has been on a different cell phone system than the rest of the world. Twenty years ago, arriving at Narita meant buying a phone card and finding a yellow international phone and placing a very short but sweet call, "I'm on the ground, I love you, all ways and always, any news? Bye."  During the last decade, it was simpler because you could rent a cell phone and make the call easily.  This last trip, my world phone worked from the minute I turned it on! What a change, so easy, so advanced--but then I realized Mary was not at home waiting for my call--so the tears came and I rode that fast downhill slide while on the bus to my hotel.  


The Stanford group with S will meet again in about 8 weeks.  I have my appointment with K for next Thursday again.  TIme to go home, change, feed the dogs and head over to Ingrid's salon.  She had an opening at 8PM so I am having my weekend massage tonight.  Should make for a comfortable weekend.  


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A New Page

Looking above this entry, you see a new tab marked "Our Story".  As more and more long distance friends reach out, I find they are all interested in the story of Mary and me. I have posted the page to help those friends get up to speed as we reconnect over time and distance.

$100 bills it ain't!

My mother hoarded $100 bills.  My Dad, Sister, Brother and I found them all over the house after she died. All we could figure that was a child of the depression was making sure there was enough money around--just in case.


Well, I have found Mary's stash! And, it is not her approximately 60 pairs of shoes (I have lost count, actually).  I don't know if 60 is excessive or not but it kinda seems like a bit on the long side except for Imelda. Comments?  


So what is Mary's stash?  Money? No. Drugs? No.  Food? No. What could it be?


Well, here is a picture of it. Much to my amazement, I found 12 bottles (containers?) of deodorant.  

Only two of these have been opened.


I checked a recent shopping list and on it was "Mary's Deodorant" so clearly she was still acquiring this precious commodity right to the end!  Why, I have no idea.


I guess I am changing my brand for the next-oh let's day 18 months--until this is all gone.


Ingrid came over today and I had her try on some blouses, slacks and shorts. Many fit and many did not so she took the items that worked for her. Frankly, I'd rather Mary's clothes go to friends who knew and loved her rather than to some of the charities where Mary would only be a "donor."


I haven't written much this week. It was a combination of writer's block, incredibly busy at work, busy with my bicycle riding and my new iPad.  I just installed the blogging upload software so I should be more active this next week.


I heard from an old friend, Frank P, who was a college buddy. In fact, Frank, Mary and I were often found together as a trio doing stuff in college.  As I recall, Frank was often in the passenger seat of my Mustang while Mary sat on the transmission tunnel and I had to shift my 6 cylinder, 3 speed transmission with my hand/arm resting on Mary's leg, knee or umm, whatever.  Drove Frank crazy as I recall.  I should note that my Mustang was purchased new in 1967 and it was a stripper. No central console, just carpeting between the seats with the three speed mounted on the floor.  In fact, I think Mary sat on the carpeting whether there was anyone in the bucket seat or not!  Ah, the days before the safety czars!


Anyway, Frank missed the recent developments with Mary's health and when we did the Remembrance in St. Paul I did not run the obituary in the Minneapolis paper--only in the St Paul paper.  Frank missed all of that, I am sorry to say. I am also concerned there are others who missed because I didn't run the obit in the Minneapolis papers.  My apologies to all. I didn't run them in Phoenix either and Mary lived there from 1974 though 1994.  I have received notes from some of her Phoenix friends as the word gets around.


As for me, I have been on my bike all but two days since Monday. Today was a bit too much. Our temperatures exceeded 90 and that was just too darn hot for me.  I biked to Farmers' Market, met Ingrid for lunch and then biked home.  Ingrid brought my groceries in her car.  Ingrid went off to take care of a client and during that time I cooled off and showered.  Several hours later Ingrid returned and we did the session trying on Mary's clothes.


Let's see, what else is up?


I am trying to arrange sending my three iPhones to Reenie, Tom and Kamie once I get my iPhone 4. Unfortunately, negotiating ATT's upgrade policies is a lot like trying to create the peace process between Israel and the Arab nations.  I am sure that no matter what I do, its going to turn out to be the worst thing I ever did!  The problem is that the latest iPhone we own is Mary's. For my regular readers, you may remember she bought it as a reward for surviving the liver surgery last May.  Ah, the old 24 month contract.  More that a bit of a bummer, Hal...There are no contracts on the other two iPhones.


Anyway, I am hoping ATT has a clause addressing dead people--and that it turns out to be favorable for those left behind.  I know, I am Pollyanna!


Shawna successfully completed her medical treatment for her cornea problem.  Basically, it can happen to any old dog.  The doc put in the equivalent of Novocain, then took a Q-tip, rubbed the problem membrane off of her eyeball, took a needle and punched a bunch of tiny, tiny holes into her cornea, installed a contact lens to protect it, told me to dump antibiotics in three times a day and it worked!  Her eye is better.  He told me the right eye will likely have the same problem within the next year or so.

As for my cataract surgery, my eye changed a bit more again.  When I took the new prescription into the the optician, they said the fee is $0.00.  I could not believe it.  So the four pairs of glasses I had made right after the surgery are now being changed to the latest prescription without a nickel of my money. How nice! I have one pair back and the acuity is amazing. The other part is that since this was my original "bad eye" I really don't need to wear glasses at all for most things.  That is sooo strange for me!  For example, I am not wearing glasses while typing this blog entry. 

Work continues to be hectic.  I have four areas of responsibility and typically one or two are kinda quiet. Right now, they are all at full tilt boogie. One will finish in ten days. It is the conference I run that is called a World Tour. I did Tokyo, Taipei, Xi"An China and Singapore. I have skipped Bangalore India, Jerusalem and Treviso (Vence) Italy.  The largest of the events will be in Santa Clara in 10 days or so and then it goes quiet until November. That is one of the four areas. The other three are on full boil and I am working hard to keep up and stay ahead. 

I have signed up for two grieving processes. One is being done by a local non-profit that benefits from Applied's giving programs so there is no charge to me. I am also signed up for a grieving session at Stanford and I plan on continuing with both of those for a while.  You may or may not know that I went through therapy from 1989 through about 1995 with a psychologist--primarily for my divorce and then for my overall mental health. I have already met with that same psychologist and based on that work, continuing in a grieving program is probably a very good thing for me.  

San Francisco's American Conservatory Theater (ACT) invited me to lunch and to catch the last production of the season on Saturday (the last performance is in a week or two).  I haven't seen a play since Mary presented her symptoms in March of 2009.  In fact, we didn't buy season tickets for 09-10 and I zeroed out ALL of our charitable donations until we understood the cash flow issues with costs of all of Mary's treatments. The ACT staff was most gracious and the play/musical was great. I ended up as the play ended sitting and crying while everyone else, it seemed, was leaving the theater.  Perhaps my emotions are a bit raw (he said perhaps?) but the story line of a couple who did not reconnect and did not have the love and joy and happiness that Mary and I had our 2nd time around really made me sad.  The play is called the Tosca Project and it was written about the history of the past 80 years in San Francisco and placed in a local bar. I found it absolutely enjoyable and emotionally stimulating.  

After the performance, I was invited to a post-performance reception where I met all the actors and chatted with several of them. It was a grand time.  And, in the back of my head was the recurring thought that Mary should be here with me.  She needed to experience this closeness to the theater. 

When we were in college, Mary introduced me to live theater.  We were fortunate to have the Tyrone Guthrie Theater in Minneapolis and they offered a student rush just before performances.  Mary and I saw many plays that way.  The old theater had a projected stage and the student rush tickets tended to be behind the actors but hey, the price was right.  More importantly, Mary introduced me to the theater. From that introduction, I have consistently attended theater for the past 40 plus years. Thank you, Mary! 

I did an IM chat with Reenie today.  It is always good to catch up with folks.  We chatted about Mary's last years and how great it was that Reenie and Mary reconnected after some distance for many years before that.  

Last Thursday on my way back from an after work bike ride, my son Chris called. We had a nice chat as I walked my bike up the 50 foot hill to our house. After I have been riding for a while, there is no way these legs can to that hill on a bike--29 gears or not!  

Quite a ride

This afternoon I met with a grief counselor and we had a very good starting discussion.  Yes, I am doing ok. Yes, there is an emotional wall out there. Yes, most likely I will hit it--almost everyone does.  Yes, there appears to be methods and practices that can help me hit the wall with less damage.  We will be meeting regularly for a while to monitor my progress and provide tips, techniques and methods to help me through the roughest spots.  The therapy will concentrate on behaviors to help me in the use of the methods and techniques. 

When I got home, I decided to bike to the grocery store to get a cut of fish for dinner. Our fishmonger was not at Farmers' Market yesterday and I had been looking forward to a nice cut of either salmon or tuna. I bought the tuna. I'll be searing it in the next few minutes.  Well, because I got home a bit early from my session, I did a bit of exploring on the bike trails that run along Los Gatos creek.  Here is a link to the route I took tonight--over 18 miles and about 2 hours not including the stop at the grocery store--Lunardi's. I see by the map there is more bike trail going north to San Francisco bay and I'll have to explore that sometime! Should be fun!  What you cannot really tell from the map is that the trail is close to flat over the entire distance I traveled. As you go further south on the trail, it climbs into the Santa Cruz mountains and that is a tough bike ride.

For now, time to feed the dogs and me.

Ciao

A busy Sunday

Well, I did manage to bike to Farmer's Market using the Los Gatos Creek Trail. It is much more pleasant than riding city streets, that is for sure!  I did need to jump off the trail to go pick up cash at the ATM so the last five blocks were in Sunday morning traffic. Its not too bad but scary because our main street is so narrow, there is no marked bicycle lane.

I did a little shopping, the kitchen was bare!  Asparagus, broccoli, celery, lettuce, strawberries and, of course, cherries--yes, Santa Clara Valley Bing Cherries!

At that point I headed for the Purple Onion to meet MaryR, Emilie (her daughter) and Ingrid.  We had a nice chat about everything and nothing all at the same time.  When it was time to go, MaryR took my load of food just to make biking a bit safer. We met at the house about an hour later so MaryR could pick up a book left by Ingrid while I re-acquired my food.

From there, I headed to Ingrid's salon for a "therapeutic massage".  As always, Ingrid does a wonderful job with her magic hands and perfect touch. Check it out at http://www.massagerescue.com

Since then, I have been working on old pictures. Mary's daughter Lara is interested so we are exchanging source files and making sure everyone has copies.  You can view them at
http://tiny.cc/3uv1l


That is all for now.

New Old Things

My cardiologist is on me for exercise and I just want to be more active and maybe lose a few pounds. That would say we have a match.

Two years ago I proposed to Mary we get a set of bicycles. She nixed the idea for her. Maybe she was already feeling poorly from early, early stages of cholangiocarcinoma--who knows?

Anyway, I bought a bike last week and have been on it every other day so far. Tomorrow I am going to bike to Los Gatos farmers' market. I hope that works out as an ok thing. I can take the trail along the creek and avoid all the auto traffic.

I used to bike a bit--it is an exercise I enjoy. I plan on using the long summer evenings to get more time in and as I get my wind and stamina then head back to swimming at the club.

It has been a gorgious day! I am sitting on our front patio with the dogs and enjoying the cooler evening temperatures. Here is a case where I can really feel Mary is gone. She would have brought out a light white wine along with fruit and crackers as an appetizer before dinner. And as the temp became too cool, we'd head to the kitchen or back deck for Saturday dinner--hamburger or Adelles sausage or sloppy joes.

I guess I'll feed the dogs and fix sausage for me.

Catching up

The Saturday after my Washington DC trip was departure for Tokyo. I arrived on time on Sunday afternoon and joined coworkers from Japan and the US for dinner. The conference was held on Monday, we had a good turnout--as expected. The conference ended with beer and a buffet for the attendees allowing networking and socialization.

Tuesday was travel to Taiwan day. Nothing special in transit but the hotel was great. It was a six month old Novatel at the Taipei airport. A stunning facility for an airport hotell. The best 'gimmick' was the glass wall separating the shower from the bed area. It was glass and could be changed from clear to opaque by the flip of a switch!

The conference on Wednesday was very good with lots of energy and neat technology. Well prepared and managed!

Thursday found me taking two flights to get to Xi'An from Taipei--I had to transit in Shanghai. My coworker discovered his visa had expired an was denied boarding! I made it just fine.

Friday's conference was very energetic with a nice mix of executive talks, local engineers presenting and network and socialization time. We finished the day attending a wonderful performance at a Chinese dinner theater.

Xi'An is the home of the Terra cotta warriors so on Satuday I went to visit that site. I'll post pictures later.

On Sunday it was two flights again, Xi'An to Shanghai to Singapore. The reservation was at the Ritz Carlton but I really did not have time to enjoy it. I arrived at 11pm, left for the Monday conference at 8am, got back after a long day at 10 pm and had to leave for the airport at 4am!

The conference was held in the new Applied building, a marvelous facility. The employees are fired up and the conference showed it.

My 4am Tuesday departure from the Ritz got me on the 6:30 am flight to Hong Kong where I caught the flight to San Francisco. Because of the magic of the dateline and a strong tailwind, I arrived in San Francisco before 8am on the same day I arrived--Tuesday.

That is the snapshot, more later!