Tuesday is my day to attend two counseling sessions. First, a session with an individual counselor followed by a 90 min break and then my group session. Twelve of us this time, seven women and five men. The group composition changes every 6 weeks and this is the first time we had more women. These weekly grief sessions are still very valuable to me. My emotions certainly come out in the weekly individual sessions and somehow I am able to keep most of my really strong reactions in check until I get to individual session each week.
Tuesday is an evening where I take the time to focus on me. The individual therapy allows me to push away all the distractions and really allow the emotions to be present. Sometimes that session is really tough, other times it is emotionally draining but not so terribly painful. And, as always, my counselor is really good at helping me identify those things that help me move forward.
The group session is good for we are suffering the same event (loss of a life partner) and we find support and empathy amongst our members. We each experience the pain in a different way, but there is no question the pain is there.
I am resetting my diet this week, getting off the bad stuff and on to the healthy foods. My plans include a reconfiguring of the house to encourage more time on the treadmill plus weekend time on my bicycle. That all stopped and fell away with the broken rib last August.
The gauntlet begins on Monday, Saint Valentine's day. In 1996 at Pedro's Cantina in Los Gatos, I asked Mary to be my wife. She said yes.
Mary moved here in January of 1995 upon my insistence. Just a few weeks later on Valentines Day in 1995, I asked her that we enjoy our relationship and not dwell, discuss or otherwise spend energy on what "might come next" for 12 months. Considering she had given up her seat on the bench as a judge, pulled up stakes from Scottsdale and only had an assurance from me that she'd have a place to stay, it was probably pretty ballsy of me. Oh well.
When it's right, it is right. And, believe me, it was right for Mary and me both.
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