Last night was fun. The contractor who remodeled this house in 2000-01 held a 30th anniversary of his business last night. I stopped in at the party (at his office), met many of the folks who worked on my place and also met others who had work done by Steve. It was a nice group and Steve put on quite a spread of food, wine and good fellowship. http://www.rehdercon.com to read more about his company.
Today, I slept in because I was just plain tired. Once I was up, showered and dressed, I headed for the lab to do a blood draw (routine). Because I was fasting, I wasn't sure if I should take my pain medications before that so I did not. That is how one learns if they are doing any good. Oh, did it hurt until I took them after the blood draw! Ouch and it wasn't only the rib. Both the elbow and wrist were singing to tell me they were hurting.
After my first round of Tylenol things got better. They were much better 4 hours later when I added a dose of Advil. Since then, I have been good all day.
Errands were the order of the day. Dog food, dry cleaners, blood test and a stop in at the Vet to find out why they sent me these cards about the dog's health. As a result, my next appointment is next Saturday that includes lessons to teach the clueless dog owner how to take care of the critters. Who knew?
The rest of the day has been spent working on finding the appropriate tax documents. Last spring, my CPA filed an extension given that Mary died on April 8 and I had not pulled paperwork together in time for the filing. He has sent a note that September 1 is his cutoff for the Oct 15 filing so I am plowing through our paperwork. Mary and I had a system that we used each year where the bills, brokerage statements, insurance mailings, etc., had a place in a set of 3 ring binders we kept. Well, the 2008 binders were never used and during 2009 there was no way. So I am now properly sorting and filing 30 months of paperwork while grabbing every tax related statement I can find to send to my CPA. Job one is to simply put the right paperwork in the right stack for each year. I have been on that for several hours now and 2007, 2008 and some of 2010 is done.
As I noted above, the 2008 papers were never put in our filing system. In hindsight, I am wondering if Mary was starting to feel poorly and the lack of filing effort may have been a symptom. Then my mind goes to "Well, if it was a symptom, so what? Until the gall bladder pain became so extreme, there was no justification to do surgery. And, surgery was the only way to confirm that cancer was present."
While working on the paperwork, my iPod was playing Roberta Flack's albums. "Killing me softly" was her biggest hit, I think. Combining her emotion packed songs while looking at Mary's handwriting and other bits of her history is 2008 is an emotional roller coaster for me.
My grief counselor suggested I plan to be alone tonight (since I had no plans anyway) to let my emotions come forward. I have been so busy with work and other social activities since Alaska they were being probably being sidetracked by all the activity. Basically, it is good to slow down and let the emotions come forward. And yes, they do come forward. Finding Mary's handwriting on a check or a note on a bill that is is paid triggers strong feelings--just seeing her writing strikes pretty hard. God, I find myself crying over "Paid, BoA on-line, May 10" on a monthly bill.
Kelli, my counselor, said that grief is totally unpredictable. The fact that the month of August was an emotional high for me does not lead to the conclusion that my grieving is over. It does point to a likelihood that I will be able to move forward positively from here, but I will also have those horrible down cycles between here and full emotional health. One day at a time.
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