I'm OK and getting ready for the gauntlet

It has been a couple of weeks since I have posted so you may be wondering if something is wrong. Nope, everything is fine. I am just buzzing around doing this and doing that and generally keeping myself distracted.

The emotional gauntlet is coming up for the next 12 weeks, or at least I am calling it the gauntlet. It goes like this:

• Feb 14:  On this day I proposed and Mary accepted (1996)
• Feb 22:  The Oncologist pronounced "Go live your life, you are cancer free" (2010)
• Mar 7:   Mary's Birthday
• Mar 22:  Mary's symptoms of Cholangiocarcinoma presented while we were in Denver (2009)
• Mar 26:  Mary was admitted to Stanford for the last time (2010)
• Mar 28:  Mary was admitted to Good Samaritan Hospital (2009)
• Mar 31:  We first heard the word "Cholangiocarcinoma" from the Doctor at Good Sam (2009), The Stanford Doctor told me I should "assemble the family" (2010)
• April 4:  Easter Sunday and the last day Mary was conscious
• April 8:  My birthday, our first date (2nd time around), my Mom died, Mary died--And my sister informed me this weekend my Aunt Claire Lamey also died on this day. I just became aware (again) that Daniel, Mary's son, is engaged to Kamie who has her birthday on April 8.  
• April 17: Los Gatos remembrance
• April 24: St Paul remembrance and burial
• May 8:  Celebration of Mary's life at our home

Part of the therapy is to set plans to "get through" tough dates without going into a massive emotional downer.  I have just started working on those plans now. I don't know what they will be but don't be surprised if you find me someplace in the world doing something during the next three months. 

As for Aunt Claire, Mary and I attended a visitation and funeral in St. Paul, probably my Dad's but I really don't remember other than it was at O'Halloran and Murphy (of course) and it was the first funeral Mary attended of one of my family members in the 1990's. What I do remember is Mary and Aunt Claire sitting together for the longest time talking, laughing and telling stories.  Aunt Claire and Uncle John were very much part of my life as I grew up and I was mildly shocked this weekend when Maureen told me Aunt Claire also died on my birthday.  I have since confirmed it via the archived obituaries of the St. Paul papers. 

That is all for now.  I hope to write this weekend of my recent activities.
Ciao

Still Good-Bying

A short time ago, I wrote about the night in December with the soft snow outside and Mary and I were inside in front of the fire in my parents' house (Click here). And, I said I thought I had a picture I took that night. This black and white is the picture with the snow covering my car and the neighborhood lights on to celebrate the Christmas season. Not as elaborate as today, but perhaps more meaningful.  (Click on the picture to enlarge.)



My Dad did something radical that year, he purchased a long-needled flocked tree and put a limited number of glass balls on it and illuminated it with flood lights. No tinsel, no kids school projects, none of the family's Christmas stuff. I was too old to say I was heart broken that Rudolf didn't get put on the tree but I did complain that the plastic angels were not allowed. This is a picture of my parents (yes, Mary and Pat) dressed for some holiday event in front of that tree. Today, in a more enlightened world, the color scheme makes one think it might be a Hannukka tree!  (Click on the picture to enlarge.)

Happy New Year

The Holidays turned out to be far better than I was expecting. The visit by my son, daughter-in-law and two beautiful grandkids was beyond great. They were here 18th to 27th so we had lots of time together plus Christmas Eve at Casey's Mom's, Christmas day at my place and the 26th at Casey's brother's place. All in all a great Christmas weekend.

New Years was with friends including catching "The Black Swan" on New Year's Eve. That is my first in-the-theater movie in roughly two years--before Mary presented her cancer symptoms. Oh, it was a good movie as well.

On New Year's Day, the three amigo's from our Alaska cruise got together to build a photo-book of our trip. I set up my big iMac (24" screen) on the dining room table so Ingrid and Mary could fully interact with the pictures and editing on the screen. Amazingly, Kodak sent a 25% discount notice if it gets done by Tuesday. Nice, very nice. We also prepared a nice dinner as part of our photo work--salmon, potatoes, gingered carrots and a salad.

Monday is back to work! These past ten days have been so very nice.

Happy New Year!

The Christmas Whirlwind!

For Christmas Day dinner, I hosted Chris, Casey, Danny, Sarah and Ingrid.  MaryR joined us for dessert and that added to the conversation and the festivities.  Sarah surprised me with her observation about two new ornaments on the tree that had not been there when we did the decorating. Ingrid had given me two ornaments for Christmas and I didn't hang them when we did the project with the grand kids.  Amazingly enough, Sarah noticed and noted the two new items out of the approximately 100 items she, Danny, Chris and I had hung on Thursday evening.  Amazing memory for a four year old!  

I baked fresh salmon for dinner (chicken for the kids) and Ingrid contributed with mashed potatoes and she whipped up her own dressing for a spinach salad. Casey prepped the asparagus and I had acquired mango salsa for the salmon and all in all we had a great Christmas dinner. 

Today, I joined Casey's family in Concord and the menu was non-stop with turkey and ham being the protein of choice! Of course, there were veggies and potatoes and sweet potatoes and cranberry sauce and...and...and...

It was a blast with Casey's three brothers, therir spouses and a total of four kids all enjoying another round of gift unwrapping and discovery of new toys.  Later in the day, additional friends arrived and that added more to the day's events.

Monday I take Chris and clan to the airport. I am going to hate saying goodbye, its been such a wonderful week with them here. 

Merry Christmas!

Mary's Christmas Rose

Each year, Mary looked forward to a Christmas rose in her garden. Easier to do in Phoenix than in Los Gatos but none the less, we would have Christmas roses from time to time. Mary always saw them as the magic of nature, the blessings of our creator and as a sign of hope for all the family for the coming year. The sun came out just long enough for me to get pictures in Mary's garden of the three Christmas roses of 2010. 

Scott, Lara, Madelyn and Emma sent me a wonderful Christmas bouquet.  There are pictures of the bouquet too. 

Merry Christmas!

iPad users click here.

Grandchildren are so special

And exhausting!  I was done in after a day with the two of them!  And, I loved it.

I think the best part was late in the day when their Papa said, "OK, its time we start getting ready to go to Grammy's house."
And, Sarah the four year old announces, "NO Papa, we have to decorate Grampa's tree first!"
I brought out a couple boxes of ornaments and Sarah dove in with gusto. We soon figured out she didn't want to hang them, she only wanted to see what I had.  I had the job of unwrapping, Sarah admired and then handed the ornament to Papa and was quickly ready for the next one.  Danny, the six year old, was taking the ornaments and carefully hanging them on the tree.  Amazingly, nothing was broken.

And it doesn't matter how they look on the tree, it just felt so damn good to decorate the tree with my grand kids.

Here are some shots from Oak Meadow Park on a beautiful Dec 23rd afternoon. iPad users, click here.


Merry Christmas!

For Christmas eve, I will be with Chris, Casey, Danny and Sarah at Casey's Mom's place. Tomorrow, they will be here and I get to be chief chef!

My Dear, we're still good-bying

"The fire is slowly dying,
And, my dear, we're still good-bying,
But as long as you love me so,
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!"

One holiday season in our college years, Mary came over to my (parents) house. Early in the evening, she made a delightful apple cider that my Dad particularly enjoyed. Mary and I spent the later part of the evening in front of the living room fireplace while Dad was in his downstairs man cave (using today's vernacular). Mom retired to bed as I recall. Dad would noisily emerge from his man cave from time to time making sure Mary and I were being proper. Those were the days!

Outside, a soft winter snowfall was in progress putting a frosting on trees, streets, sidewalks and cars. It was one of those magical evenings that makes you want to be in snow country for the holidays.

I can recall two pictures I took that evening. One was of the street scene outside our living room window including my snow covered 1960 Ford Fairlane. I think that picture is still around someplace and it captures the magic. I used very fast black and white film without a flash and the combination of the street lights and the fresh snow provided a stunning effect.  (Click on the picture to enlarge.)

The second picture was of Mary sitting on the floor with the fire behind her. Again, no flash and when the pictures came back, they didn't even bother to print that one. The light from the dying fire and the darkened room made it unprintable.

But, there was a shadow image on the negative! I can remember carefully storing and keeping that negative for years because I could just barely see the outline of Mary sitting on the floor in front of the fire. And from time to time I would study that ghostly image when I wanted to recall good holidays.

For two decades, when I heard that Christmas song with the words "my dear, we're still good-bying", my mind would jump to that snow kissed evening and the ghostly image of Mary I kept for ages. Even after we reconnected 20 years ago and the negative had been long lost, that song would trigger the memories of that special evening.

Now Mary is gone. I am still good-bying. And it hurts more now than it ever did before.